


Blank and Gray

by Wallwalker



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29744112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: Tifa is tired of the rain.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: FFVII Secret Spring





	Blank and Gray

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darkJ3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkJ3/gifts).



The rain fell, and fell, and fell. 

Tifa was alone, for the moment; the others all had things to do, and she had stayed behind to make sure Marlene was going to be all right while Barret did his work, although to be quite honest she'd mostly stayed behind because she wasn't quite ready to go out in the terrible weather yet. She did what she could to keep going, making her way around her small home, cleaning up and checking documents that had been set to her or the others, trying to find ways to keep occupied. She tried her best not to look outside, but without Mako there was only so much light that the lamps could cast. Spring had finally come again, but as much as she loved the season, this didn't feel like springtime at all. Every day had just been blank and gray. 

The first few days of rain had been strange enough, but after the first week of nonstop precipitation they had started to worry. Reeve had been the one to think of sending messages to Cosmo Canyon, to ask the Planetologists if this was natural, or at the very least expected. She'd finally seen their message back not long ago, and it had been so long and so detailed that it had taken them a while to parse that what they really meant was they weren't sure, but they thought it was going to be okay. The rain was part of the Planet's attempts to re-establish equilibrium, they'd written, something like the way the body attempted to maintain homeostasis. Tifa had learned a little something about that from her old master, if not in so many words; the body tried to keep itself in balance, and apparently their Planet was no different. 

They hadn't been able to say how long this was going to last, or whether or not it'd be over the entire world. She didn't even want to think about that; she was already haunted by how many people this must have already displaced by the floods that this must be causing somewhere. It was just another part of the damage Meteor had done, and it was going to make even more people lose everything. They'd already tried to help so many and failed. She didn't want any more on her conscience. 

The door opened, then closed. "Hey," she heard Barret call out. From the other room she heard Marlene yawn; she had been napping. Tifa had been tempted to take one of her own, she recalled with a small smile, but she was already sleeping so much that more rest didn't feel right. 

"Hey, Barret. I'm in here," she called, before Marlene could speak. "I'll be out in a bit." 

"Don't worry 'bout it," Barret said. "I'll be in there in a bit, ok? Just gotta talk to Miss Marlene first!"

"Sounds good," she answered, sitting back down at her little desk. She needed to try to write, or maybe sketch something. Anything to get her mind out of the gloom. 

It was a good idea, but she couldn't seem to manage to make her hands cooperate. She could hear Barret and Marlene chatting in the next room; he must have had good news, she could hear Marlene squealing with excitement, and then her heavy footsteps as she ran into the room. 

"Miss Tifa! Papa says I can go on a trip!" she said excitedly. 

"A trip?" She did her best to sound happy, because Marlene was happy. She was sure that even the little girl could see through her, but she hoped she would get some credit for trying. 

"Yeah! Papa's gonna tell me about it on the way! "

"That's great!" she said. "You'd better get ready, okay? I'm going to chat with your Papa for a bit." 

"Okay!" She ran out, and Tifa heard her stop on the way out. "Thanks, Papa!" she said as Barret walked into the room. 

"Hey, I told you I was gonna give you a nice surprise, didn't I? Now go get some clothes packed, I'll check on you in a few minutes." He was all smiles as he watched her leave, but his brow furrowed when he looked at Tifa. "You okay?" 

"Do I look that bad?" she asked, looking down at herself self-consciously. She looked a bit rumpled, had mostly been sleeping in her clothes; there wasn't much point in changing into pajamas when she never left the house. 

"Of course not. Just, you seem like you're feelin' down." She could see the worry in his eyes. "We're all worried 'bout you." 

"Sorry." She forces a smile. "I'm just tired." And that was true – she was so, so tired of the clouds and the rain, so tired of blank gray days. 

"I know what you mean." Barret patted her gently on the shoulder. "Hard to be cooped up inside with this mess, huh? I know it's what the Planet needs, but that doesn't make it any easier." 

"I'd feel better," she answered, "if I had something I could do. Something like... like everyone else does. Something that was _mine._ "

Barret wanted to say something. She could feel it. He'd invited her before to come with him to talk to Reeve, discuss what was going to happen next, but she couldn't do it. Some of the others had done the same - Yuffie had said she could visit Wutai whenever she wanted, Nanaki had said the same about Cosmo Canyon, even Cloud had offered to let her come along on his jobs. But she felt like a third wheel everywhere, even when she was alone with someone. As if the world had left her behind. 

She'd been feeling that way for a long time, if she was going to admit it to herself. Even before Meteor had started its descent, she had felt so lost. So alone. But it was hard to admit to herself and so she didn't, let the trains of thought circle endlessly with nowhere to stop. 

"I just wanna make sure you'll be okay here alone. Me an' Marlene, we'll be leavin' soon," he said. 

"I'll be fine, I promise." She nodded. "Where are you going? To see Reeve together?" She knew that Reeve and Barret were working together. She was starting to get the impression that he was looking forward to seeing him outside of work as well, but that wasn't something he seemed ready to talk about, so Tifa didn't push. 

"No. I got in touch with Ms. Gainsborough and she said she wanted to see the kid again. So Marlene's gonna show her some of her drawings and our stitching projects." He cleared his throat, nervously. "I know it might be a little tough, but... she'll be happy to see you, if you want to go with her -"

"I can't," she says, more suddenly than she'd meant for it to be. "I mean. I'm sorry. I'll call her later, but I just. Not now." Maybe not ever, she thought. How can she talk to Aerith's mother when she hadn't even been able to keep her promise to bring Aerith back safely? 

"That's fine. She'll understand." He pulls her into a one-armed hug. "Get some rest, ok?" 

She felt like that was all she'd been doing. But Barret means well, so she hugs him back and tries to sound okay. "I will." 

She stared at him as he walked out. She heard the door close soon after, and knew that he and Marlene were outside, running for the truck. Part of her wanted to go to the window, and wave goodbye. But that would mean looking outside at the rain, and so much of her couldn't stand the thought of it. 

She got up. There was no point in sitting at the desk, not when she couldn't get anything done. There was a fireplace in the living room; its light was some of the only brightness and color she had. So she went to the sofa in front of it and laid down, staring off into the distance, her eyes heavy. There was an quilt draped over the back of the couch, and she reached up to grab it, wrapping it around her. 

Maybe taking a nap wouldn't be such a bad idea, she thought. Maybe she really just needed to clear her mind. She stared at the fire, closing her eyes.

\--- 

When she opened her eyes again she heard the sounds of birdsong and gentle breezes, and not a single raindrop. 

She was in an unfamiliar room, with no memory of how she'd gotten there. There wasn't much there, just four cream-colored walls hung with paintings, and a wooden door. She stood up, adjusted her tank top and her skirt, found her boots and quickly laced them on. Something in the back of her mind whispered in confusion, but another part of her was urging her to go outside, to open the small door and feel the warm breeze on her face. She knew, somehow, that it would be warm, and welcoming, and make her feel light and happy again. 

Anything had to be better than the rain, she thought within the dream, and took a deep breath before reaching for the door. 

She never reached it. Suddenly the door was gone, and so was the rest of the house. She had never actually walked outside, but she was there, in a meadow that spread around her for what must have been miles. Bright orange and purple blooms were everywhere along the hills, and she could smell their sweet scent over the fresh, warm breeze. The birds that flew overhead sang brightly; she didn't know what kinds of birds they were, but it had been so long since she'd heard birdsong, so she didn't care. She just wanted to stand there for hours, or throw herself down into the flowers and lie there, and forget how sad she'd been in the rain for so long. 

"It's nice, isn't it?" 

Tifa knew that voice. "Aerith," she breathed, and turned around to the sound of it, to where her dearest friend stood. She wore the same dress, the skirt stained where she had knelt in the dirt, as if she had somehow taken it upon herself to make the flowers grow all on her own. "I'm... this isn't possible. You can't be here. I must be..."

"Dreaming?" Aerith smiled to her. "Well, yes and no. I can't really talk to you while I'm awake, can I?" 

"But how are you talking to me now?" She probably should've been afraid. She still remembered old stories from Nibelheim when she'd been growing up, spirits who couldn't cross the mountains being stuck in the land of the living and never being able to move on. "We all saw you, or I thought it was you. I don't understand." 

"For what it's worth, I don't get it either. But, well, I guess that's what happens when you toy with the kind of power no one else remembers. It makes some weird things happen." She smiles a bit. "It's not so bad. It's pretty here, and I get to see how everyone's doing. Seems like everyone's okay, but.. well, I've been worried about you." 

"About me?" She suddenly felt faintly guilty. "I didn't mean to -"

"Oh, don't apologize," Aerith scolded her very mildly. "I know you didn't mean to worry me or anyone else. But ever since…" A note of sadness crept into her voice. "Ever since I left, it seems like you've been so lost. You know it wasn't your fault, right?"

"I know, but I still would've gone with you."

"And I wasn't going to put you in danger. Not when the others needed you too. I figured, I could take care of everything, and then come back and everyone would be fine. I just didn't quite plan for everything. Maybe if I'd let you come it'd be different, but I did what I thought was best. It's not your fault." 

"Aerith," Tifa started. "What is this? Where are we?" 

"It's what the Planet is trying to become again." She reached out and took Tifa's hand, in the dream-that-wasn't-a-dream, and she felt her breath catch. "Like I said, I've been watching, and I saw that the rain was getting you down. I just figured, maybe if you could see what it was for, you would feel better." 

"Aerith," she says, her voice shaking. Did it really have to shake? Wasn't she dreaming, shouldn't she be able to control this? But apparently this dream didn't feel like following the usual rules. "I know, but... did it really have to be like this?"

Aerith bowed her head, but she doesn't stop smiling. "I don't know. I mean. I couldn't see the future when I left. I was taking a leap of faith. You know? I knew it was dangerous, that I might end up not coming back, or at least not the same way I used to be. But I told myself, no matter what happened, I'd see you again. And, well, here I am... it might not be how I hoped, but Mother always told me that no matter what, we could always make the best of things." She leans in, gives Tifa a soft kiss on the lips. 

Tifa froze - she had wanted something like this for so long, but she was too shocked to respond. Her eyes were frozen open, her hands... Planet, she was so _bad_ at this -

"No, you're not." Because why wouldn't Aerith know what she was thinking? Her smile is bright and happy, surrounded by the flowers and the singing of birds. She was spring, she was the changing of the seasons. It was so beautiful. "It just takes time. You've been through a lot and you need to rest, like the Planet. Let yourself heal." 

She took a deep breath, then pulled Aerith into her arms, closing her eyes tightly. "I've missed you so much." 

"Missed you too," she says, and she can feel warm arms encircling her, can hear the birds singing and smell the sweet fragrance of the blooming flowers, and it feels like she's finally all right again. "Give my mother a hug for me, okay? When you see her again?"

"I… I will. I-"

Her eyes open as the wind gusts past the window, sending more raindrops spattering against the pane.

She sits up, the dull, muted colors of the little house closing in on her again, and looks out the window. More blank grayness, more rain, more long and lonely days. She can feel the depression at the edges of her mind, still waiting to drag her back into emptiness. But this time she remembers the flowers, and it brightened the room just enough that she could stand up and put another log on the fire. 

The rain would end someday, and she didn't have to be alone. Maybe she'd go with Marlene next time, or take up one of the others on their offer. But either way, everything was going to be fine. She just had to keep going.


End file.
